Anyone can be a counselor, just ask the right questions
by whatamidoing765
Summary: There's a guy that is asking for food and JUMP, and he's willing to do anything so we made him a counselor. Why? Because we don't want to pay a real counselor to make DW characters talk about feelings. Who is he? Some silver-haired guy with this glasses guy and a little girl that reminds me of Guan Yinping. What? Know them?
1. You think it's Yorozuya, and it is

**Koei CEO office**

**CEO:Hey, you two, come here. I have a task for you.**

**Director:It better not be inspecting the kingdom rooms again...**

**CEO:No, I have someone here, and I want you two to help him. Ahh, here he is.**

**A white-haired man in a untidy suit walks up to them.**

**CEO:This is the counselor, Prof. Gin**** Sakata.**

**Director:I'm going to call you Counselor.**

**Counselor:Sure, whatever you're comfortable with.**

**Animator:He doesn't look like a counselor or a professor...Where did you get him?**

**CEO:He is top-notch and all he wants is unlimited JUMP, strawberry milk and chocolate parfaits.**

**And some sukonbu and unlimited rice!**

**Counselor:Shut it! I don't want that s**t!**

**Director:You can't swear here.**

**Animator:...Where did you graduate?**

**Counselor:Class 3-Z**

**Animator:No, the school.**

**A long pause.**

**Counselor:...So, the unlimited JUMP?...**

**Animator:Don't just ignore my question!**

**Hey, ***-san! You told them to give us all the things YOU want! We need money, not JUMP! Can you change the offer to 10,000 yen and unlimited rice?**

**Counselor:Oy! These guys are paying for anything we want, so you can ask them for Otsu crap!**

**And five copies of Otsu-chan's latest album along with what my friend here wants.**

**AND SUKONBU! **

**CEO:Okay...what ever you want to get the job done, I'll give it.**

**Counselor and the two voices:YEAH!**

**Animator:These guys are obviously free-loading off of us...**

**Director:So, why do we need a counselor?**

**CEO:The characters have feelings, they are no longer their simple self back in the day. To be honest, they are becoming more human. Well, except a couple of people.**

**Director:Who are you looking to counsel?**

**CEO:The couples need some marriage counseling. Maybe some other people that might need it.**

**Director:...I think therapy is the best for these guys...**

**CEO:Those two guys are going to do it.**

**A boy with glasses and a girl wearing a red Chinese dress run up to him.**

**Counselor:Shinpa***! Kag***! **

**Animator:Wait, those guys look familiar. Are you guys Yoro-? The CEO covers his mouth.**

**CEO:We have to keep this a secret. Or we got a lawsuit on our hands.**

**Animator:Those guys are Yorozuya, you can easily identify them just by their personality, appearance, or the group itself.**

**CEO:Now you said it.**

**Counselor:Don't worry, we got the lawyers as our friends. They won't touch us and you.**

**Most of the time...**

**Yeah! Those guys are-*BAM***

**Counselor:Shut it. **

**Director:Can we stop bleeping your names out, then? How about a proper introduction?**

**Counselor:I'm Gintoki Sakata, this boy here is...uhh**

**You are just stalling! I'm Shinpachi Shimura and the girl is Kagura.**

**Kagura:Where's the food?**

**Director:Want meatbuns?**

**Kagura:That sounds yummy! Drop them.**

**The director drops multiple meatbun items. Kagura goes and eats them fast.**

**Kagura:MORE!**

**Director: Want some?**

**Counselor:HELL YES I"M STARVING! Genme all of them!**

**Shinpachi:Me too! **

**Director drops an endless amount of meatbun items. The three eat in ultimate speed.**

**Animator:We just found someone more loving of meatbuns than Sima Shi.**

**Director:I want to see a meatbun eating contest between them.**

**CEO:When they're done, show them to the room. I'll alert the characters now.**

**Director:This is going to be interesting.**

**SADAHARU!**

**A giant dog breaks down the wall and eats the meatbuns with the group.**

**Animator:Whoa, very interesting indeed.**

**Director:Do you think people are going to approve?**

**Animator:I don't know. Maybe not.**

* * *

**You bet your ass I made a Gintama and DW crossover. Let all the hate flow into my inbox. **


	2. How in the world can Lu Bu have sex?

**Counselor:Why is my name Counselor?! I already told you my name!**

**Director:But you said-**

**Gintoki:Change it! That's better!**

**Director:(He breaks the fourth wall also.) So, you and your buddies will counsel the DW characters.**

**Animator:Are you sure they can actually try to talk to the characters? They are not going to take these guys seriously. I mean, look at them.**

**Director:Just get the files and we'll see what happens. Do you really want to pay for a real counselor? **

**Animator:Well, CEO pays them though, but I suppose it is better then spending a lot more on getting them talk about feelings.**

**Director:Here is the room you guys will work in.**

**Shinpachi:It's bigger then the quarters we have back home.**

**Kagura:Why can't you get a room like this, Gin-chan?**

**Gintoki:We're broke, remember?**

**Animator:So, we have the files already organized based on kingdom and relations on the shelves over there. Right now, you guys are marriage counseling, then you will do individual counseling. What the-?**

**The three are already changed into suits, wearing glasses.**

**Kagura:Let's cause some divorces!**

**Shinpachi:...That's not what we're supposed to do...**

**Gintoki:All we have to do is ask questions and look smart.**

**Director:...Ok, but don't cause too much trouble. Certain characters have short tempers.**

**Animator:*whispers* This room has a camera, let's go watch in the security room.**

**The two leave the room, leaving the Yorozuya.**

**Kagura:How long we have to wait? I'm bored.**

**Gintoki:*sits at a chair*We have to wait for the people to arrive, but this is taking a while.**

**Shinpachi:Read the files. He goes to take one from the shelf. ****Whoa, this man has a beautiful wife. Her...uhh..chest is rather too large, though.**

** Kagura:*looks over* They don't sag?**

**Gintoki:That is not something you shou-**

**The door opens, with Lu Bu and Diao Chan entering the room.**

**Lu Bu:Is this where I'm supposed to go? **

**The three look at him in horror.**

**Yorozuya:(HE'S BIGGER THAN SADAHARU!)**

**Gintoki:...Y-yes, come and sit at the chair...(Can he even fit?)**

**Shinpachi:...Kagura-chan...get the files...**

**Kagura:Here. That girl looks like a wh- Shinpachi covers her mouth.**

**Shinpachi:*whispers* Do you want to get crushed by that beast?!**

**Gintoki:So you're Lu Bu, and she is Diao Chan, right? (That man is a giant! How did they even meet?)**

**Lu Bu:You are a counselor? Hmph, then ask us anything.**

**Gintoki:You're together? How long? (What does she see in him?)**

**Diao Chan:Yes. For a couple of years.**

**Gintoki:It says here...Lu Bu is-**

**RING RING RING RING**

**Shinpachi:The phone!**

**Gintoki:I have to take this. *picks up* Hello?**

**Director:Do not read that! You will cause some tension between them! We can't have that!**

**Gintoki:What...? How did you-**

**Director:Just don't read the historical side, read the one that says Lu Bu is her lover. That is the fictional one, and that is the one they believe themselves are.**

**Gintoki:..Fine...*hangs up***

**Diao Chan:Lu Bu is what?**

**Gintoki:...your lover?...**

**Diao Chan:Yes, he is.**

**Gintoki:Any children?**

**Diao Chan:Lu Bu has a daughter.**

**Shinpachi:Here is the file.**

**Gintoki:*opens the file* Lu Li-li-**

**Lu Bu:Lingqi. Lu Lingqi.**

**Kagura:She has silver hair, are you she isn't yours, Gin-chan?**

**Gintoki:Again with that? I don't have any children, nor have any casual encounter with anyone!**

**Shinpachi:You never know...**

**Gintoki:So she is your daughter? From her, right?**

**Lu Bu:..Ahem..you can say that.**

**Gintoki:That means you had sex.**

**Lu Bu:I..suppose..**

**Gintoki:(I'm surprised the women is still in one piece.) What do you two do?**

**Diao Chan:I'm a dancer.**

**Lu Bu:The greatest warrior in all the land.**

**Gintoki:I used to be the greatest warrior, but now my country is now overrun by aliens.**

**Lu Bu:Really? Then I challenge you! **

**Gintoki:Well-**

**Shinpachi:Well, we're out of time! You guys can go now!**

**Kagura:Bye, Cockroach guy and girl in funny dress!**

**Shinpachi:Kagura-chan!**

**Lu Bu:You, counselor, we'll fight next time I see you.**

**Gintoki:..Heh...looking forward to it...Can you put these folders away, Shinpachi?**

**RINGRINGRINGRINGRING**

**Gintoki:*sigh*Hello?**

**Animator:There are two other couples coming. **

**Gintoki:Got it.**

**The door opens with Sun Ce, Zhou Yu, Xiao Qiao, and Da Qiao.**

**Gintoki:We don't have child behavior counseling, so you can turn back.**

**Zhou Yu:We're here for the marriage counseling.**

**Gintoki:Where are your wives? I see your daughters.**

**Sun Ce:..They are not our daughters...**

**Gintoki:..What?..No..**

**Shinpachi:I found their files, and...the girls are the wives...**

**Kagura:That's nasty! You guys are-mmhh! Shinpachi covers her mouth.**

**Gintoki:*reading file* Sun say and Zoow Yu.**

**Zhou Yu:Sun CE and ZHOU Yu.**

**Gintoki:And I can't read the girls' names. Shh-aa-oouu Quu-ii-oou, and Da Quu-ii-oouu**

**Kagura:Xiao Qiao and Da Qiao.**

**Gintoki:I'm surprised you can pronounce the names. But come and sit, you four. Shinpachi, get two more chairs.**

**Shinpachi:Those chairs are the only ones in here.**

**Director and Animator run into the room holding two chairs, sets them down, and left quickly.**

**Gintoki:We just found some, now come and sit. So, how did you guys get married?**

**Sun Ce:During when I was out with my buddy Zhou Yu here, we heard this beautiful music. We followed the music and we found these beauties. We asked their father for their hand in marriage, and he accepted. I'm married to Da Qiao, and Zhou Yu is married to Xiao Qiao.**

**Gintoki:(Their father is clearly blind, he married them off to possible pedos!)**** So how old are your wives?**

**Zhou Yu:Da Qiao is 17, while the younger is 16.**

**Gintoki:Oh, and how old are you two?**

**Zhou Yu:Sun Ce is 26, I'm 25.**

**Kagura:That's even nasti-mphh! **

**Shinpachi:They are pretty old for them...**

**Zhou Yu:That girl over there, she reminds me of someone. **

**Sun Ce:Heh, you're right. She your daughter?**

**Gintoki:Oh, no, I could have NEVER have such a- nevermind. She has a father, but he is working, so I'm taking care of her. (And she works for me.) So, any problems with your...uhh..marriages?**

**Sun Ce:Not really. We all get along just fine.**

**Zhou Yu:That's right. (My problem is the fact they don't age. But Koei HAD to make them stay minors.) **

**Gintoki:I hate to ask, but is there sex? (Please no!)**

**SC & ZY:No. They're too young for that.**

**Gintoki:(Well, at least they're patient.) How long have you've been married?**

**Zhou Yu:Twelve years.**

**Gintoki, Kagura, and Shinpachi:*eyes wide open* WHAT?! **

**Shinpachi:Wait...how is that-?**

**Kagura:EWWW! YOU MAKE ME SICK!**

**Gintoki:...Ahem...How old were you when you guys got married?**

**Sun Ce:We were 25 and 26, while the Qiaos were 17 and 16.**

**Gintoki:..That's your age now...**

**Kagura:You can travel in time?! **

**Shinpachi:...Time's up...You guys can go...**

**The four got up and left.**

**Gintoki:*eye twitch*...There is no way...they can stay the same age...**

**Shinpachi:I wonder that about you. **

**Kagura:You are an old man, yet you look young.**

**Gintoki:I'm not old! Hey, someone's outside the door.**

**I can't go through the door!**

**Come on! The doorway is not that small! Just duck down!**

**How do you open this door? Grr...HA!**

**A giant figure breaks the door down, with a women walking in behind him.**

**Gintoki:...Hello...You could have just knocked. (He's bigger than the cockroach guy!)**

**Shinpachi:*reading file* The man is Meng Huo, the women behind him is Zhu Rong. They're from a tribe called the Nanman.**

**Gintoki:I'm not paying for the door.**

**Meng Huo:Sorry about that, I couldn't figure out how the door opens.**

**Zhu Rong:Sorry if my husband caused any trouble.**

**Kagura:Why are you walking around like that? I can see all your-mmph!**

**Shinpachi:Sorry, she can be a little rude sometimes. Now, come and sit at a chair.**

**Meng Huo sits at a chair, but breaks it.**

**Gintoki:...You can stand. And I'm not paying for the chair.**

**Zhu Rong:*sigh* So who is the one counseling us?**

**Gintoki:I am. Those two just give me files.**

**Zhu Rong:That's a relief, I actually thought the boy over there was going to do it.**

**Shinpachi:Well, that was uncalled for...**

**Security room**

**Director:Move the camera a little closer...there you go. Heh, heh- hey!**

**Animator:Zoom back out, I don't want to spend 30 minutes staring at her chest.**

**Back**

**Gintoki:So, you are married, correct? Tell me your jobs.**

**Meng Huo:I'm the king and my wife is the queen.**

**Gintoki:So, anything wrong with the marriage? A problem in the kingdom?**

**Meng Huo:I guess my wife tends to hit me often.**

**Zhu Rong:I do not! I just knock you back to your senses.**

**Shinpachi:Isn't that domestic abuse?**

**Kagura:Alright! Knock the fat man to his senses, Boss lady!**

**Gintoki:Not helping. Now, is that something that happens a lot? **

**Meng Huo:No, it's okay. I tend to make certain choices my wife doesn't approve of.**

**Gintoki:So, any children?**

**Zhu Rong:No. **

**Gintoki:Is it because...he is...?**

**Meng Huo:Hey!**

**Zhu Rong:No, but it is hard to sleep in the same bed with him.**

**Gintoki:Getting your ribs crushed by him?**

**Kagura:It will be like sleeping with Sadaharu!**

**Ruff!**

**Sadaharu destroys the wall and runs to Kagura.**

**Gintoki:I'm not paying for that.**

**Meng Huo:Whoa, what is that? It is the size of me!**

**Zhu Rong:Aww, it's so cute and fluffy.**

**The two fawn over Sadaharu with Meng Huo getting his head bitten by Sadaharu.**

**Meng Huo:I think it likes me! Ow!**

**Gintoki:You want the mutt? Kag-*BAM***

**Kagura:You're not giving Sadaharu away!**

**Shinpachi:Do you two have any pets of your own?**

**Meng Huo:I have an elephant.**

**Zhu Rong:I have tigers.**

**Kagura:Awesome! Gin-chan, can we get a tiger or an elephant?**

**Gintoki:We can barely fit Sadaharu in our place! And an elephant wouldn't even fit! Anyway, you-**

**Shinpachi:Gin-san, time's up. They may leave now.**

**Kagura:Bye, can I have one of your tigers?**

**Gintoki:No! **

**Meng Huo and Zhu Rong got up and left.**

**Shinpachi:Sadaharu, please let go of the man's head.**

**Sadaharu gets off of Meng Huo and runs back to Kagura.**

**Shimpachi:Gin-san, do you think this is worth it?**

**Gintoki:We get a lot of food and cash after this. None of our previous jobs has ever given that much before. We're not backing out now!**

**Kagura:We get free rice! Lots of it! **

**Shinpachi:You're right, we won't have to free-load off of Otase-san for a while.**

**RINGRINGRINGRING**

**Gintoki:Hello? Another one?**

**Director:No, you're on break. We have to fix the door and the wall your dog just destroyed.**

**Gintoki:Is is a lunch break?**

**Director:What, you hungry? You had all those meatbuns from this morning!**

**Gintoki:Get me one-no, two chocolate parfaits. Kagura, Shinpachi, what do you want?**

**Kagura:A truckload of rice with a truckload of eggs on top!**

**Shinpachi:Ham and cheese omelet with rice, along with some sushi and those meatbuns.**

**Gintoki:That sounds nice, I want some too. Get me that.**

**Kagura:Me too!**

**Director:This is not a fast food joint or a restaurant! **

**Gintoki:Oh, then we'll take ourselves home and leave you guys having to pay a real counselor.**

**Director:*sigh* Fine, my boss will beat me to a pulp if I drove you guys away. Your "lunch" will be outside. *hangs up***

**Gintoki:Bye! I'm out to get some free food!**

**Kagura:I'm not going to let you get to it first!**

**The two run out of the room. Shinpachi runs after them.**

**Outside**

**Director:This enough?**

**He stands in front of two trucks. One contains rice with eggs on top. The other contains the other food ordered.**

**Kagura:*drools* You actually did it! She runs over to the truck with rice and picks it up to gobble the rice down.**

**Director:Whoa, you guys have your stuff in the other truck.**

**Gintoki and Shinpachi look in the truck.**

**Director:I got the parfaits the size of those 7-Eleven Big Gulp cups, 100 pieces of sushi, three of the omelets with rice, and the rest of the truck is meatbuns.**

**The two went and grabbed the food.**

**Shinpachi:These omelets are not black matter! I'm glad I can taste an actual omelet! **

**Gintoki:Om-nom-nom-nom-nom-Oh God, I'm in heaven!-Nom**

**Kagura has finished the truckload of rice, swallows down the omelet, and starts to gobble down sushi and meatbuns one by one.**

**Gintoki:Oy! Kagura! Hurry, Shinpachi, she is going to eat them all!**

**Gintoki and Shinpachi go into the truck and ate as much as they could along with Kagura.**

**Director:They have such a huge appetite! **

**Animator walks outside and sees the trucks.**

**Animator:Where did you get all this?! **

**Director:Called in a few favors.**** I called a lot of chefs to make the sushi, that truckload of rice, and those omelets. The parfaits were from a fancy desert place. And I couldn't drop that many meatbuns, so I had to visit Jin for a little while.**

**Animator:Sima Shi is not going to be happy...**

**Director:I replaced the lost meatbuns with rice. Does that make it any better?**

**Animator:I don't think so...**

**Jin**

**Sima Shi:Zhao...where are the meatbuns?**

**Sima Zhao:What are you talking about? They are always in that room.**

**Sima Shi:When I entered, there was only about thirty to forty meatbuns in there. The base had over 7000 in there. Now, where are they?**

**Sima Zhao:What? Let me look.**

**He enters the room, but only seeing it filled with rice bags except for a few meatbuns left. **

**Sima Zhao:There's a note. "I O U 7000 meatbuns"**

**Sima Shi:Hmm...who could it be?**

**Sima Zhao:Hey, the guy was nice enough to give us rice in return for the buns.**

**Sima Shi:Look for him. **

**Sima Zhao:We got rice! Isn't that enough?**

**Sima Shi:Someone stole from me, they will pay.**

**Sima Zhao:Ugh...(At least I didn't do it this time...)**

**Back**

**Kagura:Haaaaa...**

**Gintoki:Oh...I feel so full...**

**Shinpachi:I thought we would never go hungry after this...ugh...**

**Director:They finished everything...**

**Animator:Whoa...I'm shocked on how much they can eat.**

**Director:Okay, guys! You can rest, than you go back to work!**

**Gintoki:..Yeah...**


	3. Kids are getting married these days

**Director:Hello? Are you guys okay now? You have another appointment.**

**Gintoki:..I'll..be-BLARGH!**

**Kagura:I don't feel so good...BLAAAGH!**

**Shinpachi:What happened?! How come you guys are puking all of a sudden? I don't feel sick myself.**

**Animator:The sushi fish probably wasn't properly prepared, and these guys got food poisoning.**

**Director:Get me Hua Tuo's ointment! (It's that item that fully restores health and musou in DW.)**

**Animator:Will it work on them? They are not-**

**Director:We have to try! But unfortunately, I can't drop those items. Wait, can you?**

**Animator:How can I drop them anyway? I'm-OW!**

**The director smacks him and two jars appeared.**

**Director:You do drop items! And their what we're looking for! Quick, Gintoki and Kagura, pick these up. You'll feel better.**

**Gintoki:Ugh...if you say so...**

**The two walked to the jars, and the jars disappear.**

**Kagura:I don't feel awful anymore! **

**Gintoki:Hey, I feel fine. I don't feel the need to puke!**

**Animator:Huh, they do work on them. And hitting me drops them? I thought you just, you know, make them appear.**

**Director:It works sometimes, but hitting makes them more likely to appear. Ok, guys, get back to the office.**

**Office**

**Bao Sanniang:We've been waiting for you guys! What have you been doing?**

**Director:They caught a bad case of food poisoning, but that's been taken care of. We are sorry if you waited too long.**

**Gintoki:Oh my God! It's Kagura's sister!**

**Kagura:I don't have a sister! Hey, Kamui! Did you become gay? I like that new color you dyed your hair with!**

**Guan Suo:Huh? Who's Kamui? Hey, I'm not gay!**

**Shinpachi:That's not Kamui! He has orange hair! And certainly not a flower on top of his head!**

**Animator:Alright, Gintoki and you four go in. We'll be going now. **

**The director and animator walk away, then turned to go into the security room.**

**Gintoki:*sits at his chair* Alright, you two have a seat. Shinpachi, give me their files.**

**Shinpachi:What are your names?**

**Bao Sanniang:I'm Bao Sanniang and this is Guan Suo.**

**Shinpachi:Ah, here they are. Gin-san, here are their files.**

**Gintoki:Bao S-ssan-ni-Aeng?**

**Guan Suo:Bao Sanniang.**

**Gintoki:I'll just call her Kagura #2. So, you two are married? (They look like kids...) How did you meet?**

**Bao Sanniang:It was love at first sight. I remember it like it was yesterday. **

**Guan Suo:I was surrounded by Wu forces until she showed up and saved me. She continued to follow me around since then.**

**Gintoki:(Stalker alert.) So, any children?**

**Kagura:Eww! No way they could have children! They're children themselves!**

**Shinpachi:You're a child yourself...**

**Guan Suo:We don't have any offspring.**

**Gintoki:Ok, is there any problems in the marriage?**

**Bao Sanniang:Nope! We're very happy together!**

**Gintoki:(Such optimism.) Then, I have nothing else to say. Let me see the file...You two are fict-**

**RING RING RINGRING**

**Gintoki:Hold on. Hello?**

**Director:Don't read that. That will make them depressed.**

**Gintoki:Fine...*hangs up***

**Guan Suo:We're what?**

**Gintoki:You are...G-G-Gu-un Y-uh's son?**

**Guan Suo:You mean Guan Yu? Yes, I'm his son.**

**Shinpachi:Are you guys sure there are no problems? Every marriage has their own disputes.**

**Bao Sanniang:I guess we rarely get to go out and have time with each other.**

**Gintoki:Why's that?**

**Guan Suo:The chaos in the land prevents us to any time to have fun.**

**Gintoki:What chaos? This place seems fine.**

**Guan Suo:Our home is ravaged by war, so we constantly have to be on guard. My father himself got involved and he died. **

**Shinpachi:Gin-san, I think we went on a sensitive subject...**

**Guan Suo:No, don't worry, I have to keep moving forward.**

**Kagura:Will petting Sadaharu help?**

**Sadaharu:Arrf!**

**Guan Suo:Whoa! I thought that was a decoration! I didn't know dogs that big existed!**

**Bao Sanniang:Aww, it's so cute! Can I pet him?**

**The two went and petted Sadaharu.**

**Guan Suo:This...is quite soft...Sadaharu goes and bites his head.**

**Bao Sanniang:Aww, it likes you.**

**Gintoki:..It just likes biting heads...**

**Guan Suo:I feel better now. *blood trickles down his face***

**Gintoki:..No...you have blood on your head...**

**Shinpachi:It's time. You two may go, and Sadaharu, let go of his head.**

**Bao Sanniang:Aw, I want to stay with the dog...**

**Sadaharu gets off and lets the two leave.**

**Gintoki:*sighs* They love that mutt. He should be the counselor.**

**Kagura:Sadaharu is lovable and can make anyone happy!**

**Shinpachi:Hey, someone's at the door.**

**Zhuge Liang? What are you doing here? **

**My lord, I have to go to this marriage counseling with Yue Ying. I see you're with Lady Sun.**

**Yeah, things are kinda rocky...**

**Shall we go in together?**

**I don't think they will allow us...But you go in first.**

**No, we can wait. You may go in, my lord.**

**The door opens with Liu Bei and Sun Shang Xiang walking in.**

**Gintoki:(One of them looks WAY too old, the other looks like a high school girl...) Come, have a seat.**

**Shinpachi:I found their files based on their picture. Here.**

**Gintoki:Nice moustache...**

**Liu Bei:That's old.**

**Gintoki:You just want to go back to the old days, huh? But let's get down to business. You are L-e-ew Be? And the girl has a one long name I can't pronounce. Suun Shaang XX-ii-aeng? **

**Liu Bei:It's Liu Bei, and this is Sun Shang Xiang.**

**Gintoki:Ok, how did you guys meet?**

**Liu Bei:It was an arranged marriage for an alliance between her kingdom and my kingdom.**

**Gintoki:Is it working out? There any problems?**

**Liu Bei:That's the thing...we are growing apart...**

**SSX:Easy for you to say, you attacked Brother!**

**Gintoki:Whoa, back it up. What is the problem?**

**SSX:He attacked my brother just because his brothers died!**

**Shinpachi:That's rather much...**

**Liu Bei:Do you have any siblings of your own?**

**Shinpachi:I have a older sister. That feeds me black matter...**

**Kagura:I have a stupid older brother that tried to kill me.**

**Liu Bei:..That's...uhh... Anyway, my brothers' killers were from Wu or fled to it.**

**SSX:You did not need to attack the whole kingdom!**

**Liu Bei:Well...**

**Gintoki:This file says you love him...**

**SSX:That's for Liu Bei looking good. I didn't really like him anyway, but had to go with him.**

**Gintoki:It also says that. Anyway, why do you stay with him then? **

**SSX:Hmm...I guess for...**

**Gintoki:You still care, do you? Now, make up.**

**SSX:I'm sorry...**

**Liu Bei:I'm sorry too...**

**They both hug.**

**Kagura:We prevented a divorce!**

**Sadaharu:Arrf! **

**SSX:That's a real dog? Aww, it's so cute!**

**SSX goes to pet Sadaharu. He then goes to Liu Bei and bites his head.**

**Liu Bei:Aww, it's making friends. *blood trickles down***

**Gintoki:(Why can't these people understand he just bites?)**

**Kagura:Sadaharu loves everyone!**

**Gintoki:We still have time. So, what do you two do?**

**Liu Bei:I'm the ruler of my kingdom, Shu.**

**SSX:I am a master at the bow.**

**Gintoki:How long are you two married?**

**Liu Bei:A few years, about thirteen.**

**Gintoki:*eye twitch*...Heh...No, really how long?**

**Liu Bei:Thirteen.**

**Shinpachi:..How...?**

**Kagura:These people do time travel!**

**Gintoki:..Ok...My, look at the time! It's time for the next appointment. You two may leave, those people outside are next.**

**The two got up and left, with Sadaharu still on Liu Bei.**

**M-my lord, what is that on your head?**

**Oh, he's my new friend.**

**Gintoki:Oy, Sadaharu! Come back!**

**Arrf!**

**Sadaharu runs back to the room.**

**My lord, there's blood on your head...**

**It's just a scratch. Oh, my son. You are here also?**

**I have to go on behalf of Xing Cai.**

**Gintoki:Hey! Wrap it up! This is not social time!**

**The door opens with Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying entering the room.**

**Zhuge Liang:I'm sorry with the extended chatter, and what is that?**

**Sadaharu:Arrf! *pants***

**Gintoki:It's my coworker's dog. Now, you two sit.**

**Zhuge Liang:That dog is...irregularly large...**

**Gintoki:Enough with the dog, we're here to talk about you and your wife. **

**Shinpachi:Got the files. Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying. He is holding a very thick folder with a thin folder on top.**

**Gintoki:I'm sure that is a textbook...**

**Shinpachi:No, it's a file. A lot on this guy. He drops the file on Gintoki.**

**Gintoki:Ooff! Ookay...let's see. Hey, you have a hat that looks like a muffin.**

**Zhuge Liang:Look past that...**

**Gintoki:You have a fan for a weapon...have a rivalry with a S-s-ee-ma Y-ee...called the Sleeping Dragon...your beard is insured for 1,000,000 yuan?**

**Zhuge Liang:..Stop reading...**

**Gintoki:Ok, for this Yue Ying lady, she is your wife and is an inventor. This says she's ugly.**

**Yue Ying:That's is not really known. It could have been a rumor.**

**Kagura:You don't look ugly. Maybe that's a mask...**

**Shinpachi:..That's just ridiculous...**

**Gintoki:Oh well, so how did you two meet?**

**Yue Ying:My father offered me to Zhuge Liang because he was looking for a wife. We got married after that.**

**Gintoki:It was an arranged marriage? So, how long are you married?**

**Zhuge Liang:About ten years.**

**Gintoki:Hmm... Is there anything wrong in the marriage?**

**Zhuge Liang:No, we have no quarrel with each other.**

**Yue Ying:We are happy together, even though the marriage was arranged. I care for him.**

**Gintoki:Do you two have any children?**

**Zhuge Liang:I have a son.**

**Gintoki:Just one? I'll just look more into this file...Who is this S-sie-ma Y-e-e guy? About a page is written about you two, are you related..?**

**Zhuge Liang:I would never be related to that...that...fiend...**

**Shinpachi:I have the file.**

**Gintoki:No, there's a picture of these guys together. Not a positive one. That guy in purple is choking the daylights of him. Another one is purple guy getting slapped by Mr. Beard here. That purple guy has a really bad taste in hats than Hijikata does in his really bad taste in mayo.**

**Shinpachi:There's a page with a Zhou Yu. Isn't that the guy with that little girl for a wife we counseled a few hours ago?**

**Gintoki:You are a hated man, huh? Anyway, I'll stop bothering with your past , but we still have time. You can ask about the dog.**

**Yue Ying:It is the size of a juggarnaut. What do you feed it?**

**Gintoki:Normal dog food. He eats a lot of it.**

**Zhuge Liang:Where did you get such a creature?**

**Gintoki:Two priest ladies give him to us. **

**Kagura:He can turn into a giant monster when given strawberry milk.**

**Yue Ying:Can I pet him?**

**Kagura:Sadaharu loves to be petted.**

**She goes to pet Sadaharu, he licks her.**

**Yue Ying:Aww, he's so cute!**

**Zhuge Liang:Doesn't it-**

**Sadaharu jumps to bite his whole head.**

**Zhuge Liang:Mmph...bmmph?**

**Gintoki:..Yeah...it bites...**

**Shinpachi:Sadaharu! Get off of him! You'll tear his head off!**

**Sadaharu jumps off and goes back to Yue Ying.**

**Zhuge Liang:(Man, it reeked.) Is it time yet?**

**Shinpachi:About a few seconds left, but you guys can leave. **

**The two got up and left, leaving Liu Shan and Xing Cai to come in.**

**Xing Cai:This is the marriage counseling, correct?**

**Gintoki:You're next? Come, sit.**

**The two took their seats.**

**Shinpachi:I have the files, the names are Liu Shan and Xing Cai.**

**Gintoki:Nice hat. Where can you get one?**

**Liu Shan:This is for an emperor, but you can wear it for a while.**

**Xing Cai:Don't just give away your hat so freely!**

**Liu Shan:A person likes the hat, why can't I share it?**

**Gintoki:You don't have to. So, what's the problem? First, let me see the file. Not that much in here, you going to need to tell me then.**

**Xing Cai:I'm his guardian.**

**Gintoki:You're making this sound like your his mother.**

**Xing Cai:I'm also his wife.**

**Gintoki:How did you two meet?**

**Xing Cai:I was entrusted to him.**

**Gintoki:So arranged marriage. Anyway, what's the problem?**

**Xing Cai:Liu Shan is...unmotivated...**

**Liu Shan:I am trying as hard as I can.**

**Xing Cai:But you are too easy-going, when are you going to get serious?**

**Gintoki:What is this about?**

**Xing Cai:He tends to be very neglective of his duties. And that costed the kingdom.**

**Gintoki:So he was the cause of the fall of his own country? Out of what?**

**Liu Shan:They outnumbered me, and if I continued to resist, the people would have been hurt...**

**Gintoki:Hmm...are you two...planning to separate? It seems this is not working out.**

**Xing Cai:I promised that I would stay by his side until the end.**

**Gintoki:Ok, I'll leave that to you. So, any children?**

**Liu Shan:*blushes* Oh, no, we don't...ahem...do that..**

**Gintoki:Ok, then. Let me see this file or what's there anyway. You are that Liu Bei guy's son. And the women is a Zhang Fei guy's daughter. The father is...ugh..rugged up.(She doesn't inherit the looks, thank god.) Overall, I don't have anything else to say. **

**Liu Shan is already at Sadaharu and pets him. The dog bites his head.**

**Liu Shan:Aww, it likes me. *blood trickles down***

**Xing Cai:My lord, you're bleeding.**

**Kagura:Sadaharu never can kill anyone. He can survive that.**

**Shinpachi:We have a few minutes left, we can continue or you can leave.**

**Liu Shan:I want to stay with the dog...**

**Gintoki:We're going to have to fill this space with something. Shinpachi, do that.**

**Shinpachi:I don't want to...**

**Gintoki:We need something...**

**Shinpachi:Fine...*poses and waves his finger*DONDAKE!**

**Gintoki:One more say!**

**Shinpachi:DONDAKE!**

**Gintoki:Everybody say!**

**Shinpachi:DONDAKE!**

**Kagura:That's just stupid...**

**Xing Cai:...What are you doing?...**

**Liu Shan:Sounds fun. How do you say that?**

**Shinpachi:DONDAKE! Oh, we've run out of time. You can leave now.**

**Liu Shan and Xing Cai leave the room.**

**Security room**

**Director:...What was that..?**

**Animator:They did a couple of episodes of Shinpachi saying that only. It was very funny by these guys' standards.**

**Director:That's weird...so, how many more people and their wives?**

**Animator:We need Sun Quan, Cao Pi, Sima Zhao, and Sima Yi along with their wives. **

**Director:Do you think they need another break?**

**Animator:Yeah, they will need it. Because...you know..**

**Director:Alright, I'll call them, for a thirty minute break. Oh, get some donuts, they'll be begging for something to eat.**

**Back  
RINGRINGRINGRING**

**Gintoki:Hello? Break?**

**Director:Yep, and we'll have some donuts for you guys.**

**Kagura:Yeah! **

**Gintoki:*hangs up* Let's go! I'm out to get some donuts!**

**Kagura:*drools* I'm gonna get them first!**

**They run out of the office.**

**Shinpachi:*sigh* **

**Koei lounge**

**Kagura:NOMNOMNOMINOMAMNOMGOINGNOMTONOMEATNOMFASTERNOM**

**Gintoki:NOMNONOMYOURENOTNOM**

**Shinpachi just takes a donut and eats it at moderate speed.**

**Director:*eating a donut* Man, they love eating.**

**Animator:I made sure to get a large amount because of them. **

**Director:You guys had lunch like-I don't know-about two and a half hours ago? A big one, in fact.**

**Kagura:NOMNOMNOMWe are still hungry!NOMNOM**

**Gintoki:Hah! I'm full!**

**Kagura is licking the crumbs off the boxes.**

**Animator:That is not necessary...**

**Director:We'll just give you guys an extended break.**


	4. These women have weird taste in men

**Director:You guys have four more couples, and then you do counseling for individual people.**

**Gintoki:Alright, let's go Shinpachi, Kagura.**

**Office**

**Cao Pi:Do you plan on keeping us waiting?**

**Gintoki:Ok, we just came from break, hold your horses.**

**Gintoki opens the door and lets them in.**

**Sadaharu:Arrf! He goes to Cao Pi.**

**Cao Pi:Get this mutt away from me.**

**Kagura:Hey! You can't talk to Sadaharu like that! Go teach him a lesson!**

**Sadaharu stands on his hind legs and hits Cao Pi in the face.**

**Shinpachi:...What? He can do that?...**

**Cao Pi:Ah! Your mutt has some nerve!**

**Kagura:Want him to take out your *bleep*?**

**Shinpachi:Kagura, stop. Sorry, about that.**

**Cao Pi:Hmph, keep that dog on a leash.**

**Kagura:*blows raspberry at him***

**Gintoki:Shinpachi, get the files, these guys should be not hard to find based on their awful sense in clothing.**

**Zhen Ji:How rude!**

**Gintoki:Yeah, yeah, now come and sit at the chairs.**

**Security room **

**Director:He's not here, so I'll just zoom this in. Whoa, even though they're fake, I still like looking at them. Wait, the camera's moving back to its position! *presses button* I can't zoom in now!**

**Outside of Security room**

**Animator:*holding a remote* He never learns...**

**Back**

**Shinpachi:Here are their files, they are pretty thick.**

**Kagura:Are your boobs fake?**

**Zhen Ji:That girl needs some manners-HEY!**

**Kagura:*Groping her chest* Gin-chan, how do I know they're fake?**

**Gintoki:When they feel too hard, they're fake.**

**Kagura:These are hard as stone.**

**Shinpachi:Stop bothering her about her chest.**

**Gintoki:Then they are fake, now let go of her.**

**Zhen Ji:Ugh! What kind of girl did you raise? You clearly failed as a parent!**

**Gintoki:She's not my kid, she works for me on her own will. The girl wants to have female cushions when she grows up, so give her a break. But not fake ones, though. Now, let's see here. Cow Pee? and Zen Ji?**

**Cao Pi:Can't you read? It's Tsao Pi and Zhen Ji.**

**Gintoki:You're a prince? Well, I know what to call you now. Prince Baka Pee.**

**Cao Pi:What? That does not make sense!**

**Gintoki:So, Baka Pee, how did you and this diva meet?**

**Cao Pi:You even threw off the "Prince"! You-**

**Gintoki:Just answer the question. **

**Cao Pi:Fine...I was out on the battlefield, when this beautiful flower came to me. I defeated her and she came to be my wife.**

**Shinpachi:That sounds kinda abusive...**

**Gintoki:This says she's still married to a Yuan X-xei. **

**Cao Pi:She must have forgotten to divorce that pathetic fool when she married me, no matter, he's dead.**

**Gintoki:Oh, ok... Uh, any children?**

**Zhen Ji:We have a son and a daughter.**

**Gintoki:Yes, a Cao Rui. He doesn't look like any of you. (He is looking at a generic photo.)**

**Cao Pi:He's a generic. **

**Gintoki:So, how is the sex? No problems in the bedroom? **

**Zhen Ji:You're getting a little too deep into our personal life.**

**Gintoki:I'm a counselor, I have to ask these things. So, on a scale of one to ten, rate on how good is the sex, and another on how often you have sex.**

**Cao Pi:9, 8**

**Zhen Ji:9, 7**

**Gintoki:Really? So, you two are able to satisfy each other's needs? Usually, people are complaining on how little sex they get or on how less pleasurable it is.**

**Kagura:You two are ***** like rabbits!**

**Shinpachi:...That's not appropriate...We can't say that...**

**Gintoki:This also says your cup size. It's-**

**Zhen Ji:Get your nose out of that!**

**Gintoki:Alright, fine. Oh, Baka Pee, you had your wife commit suicide. That is just cruel.**

**Cao Pi:That's a made up story, Zhen died of illness. **

**Gintoki:Then why is it in the file? I'm going to tell those guys their info is bull****.**

**Shinpachi:You can't swear...**

**Gintoki:It just gets bleeped. ****, ****, ****.**

**Kagura:I'm going to that too! *****,******,****,******,*****,**********.**

**Gintoki:So, any problems other than the fact you let her die?**

**Cao Pi:Again, that's a made-up story, and Zhen and I have no problems whatsoever.**

**Kagura:How about letting her use this? She holds up something that gets censored.**

**Shinpachi:Oy! We can't show that! Ignore her!**

**Zhen Ji:*blushing* What is that? It looks like a-**

**Shinpachi:I said ignore her! He goes in front of Kagura to block out the censored object.**

**Gintoki:Where did you get that anyway?!**

**Kagura:This guy gave it to me.**

**Shinpachi:Throw that away! I bet it is covered in unknown diseases!**

**Kagura:Ok. She throws it hard at Cao Pi's face, the thing hitting him directly in the face.**

**Cao Pi:OOFF! He falls off his chair.**

**Shinpachi:Not at a person! Oh, no! Are you okay?**

**Cao Pi:Get this obscene object away from me! He throws it out the door.**

**Gintoki:Well, let's see who sees that.**

**What in the world is that? A model of the male reproductive organ?**

**That's a *****. Hey, it's purple.**

**Zhao! How in the world you know what that is?**

**Shinpachi:Ahh! We have to get that out! **

**He runs out of the room and picks the object and throws it out the nearby window.**

**Shinpachi:Well, we're done! Come on, you two, time's up.**

**Gintoki:Bye, Baka Pee!**

**Kagura:Bye, Stupid Pee!**

**Cao Pi:Stop calling me that!**

**He walks out of the office with Zhen Ji.**

**Oh, hey, _Baka Pee. *laughs*_ Honestly, that fits you. Why didn't I think of that?  
**

**Shut up, Sima Yi.**

**Oh, your name can make so many urine jokes, I'll die laughing.**

**Grrr...Let's go, Zhen.**

**Father, do we have to go in with you and Mother?**

**No, of course not. This is obviously private to the people being counseled.**

**Hey, is this where the counseling is?**

**Oh, the emperor of Wu is here.**

**Gintoki:Hey, stop turning that spot into a table at Starbucks!**

**You go in, you and Mother need it more.**

**Hmph, you don't really understand the relationship between us. Oh, might as well.**

**The door opens with Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua entering the room.**

**Gintoki:What the hell is that on your head?! Knock it off!**

**Kagura:Yes, sir! She tackles Sima Yi and gets the hat off.**

**Sima Yi:Ahh! What are you doing?! This is a hat!**

**Gintoki:It's a boot with chopsticks sticking out! You consider that normal?**

**Shinpachi:Kagura-chan, please let go of the man and give him his boot back.**

**Sima Yi:It's not a boot.**

**Kagura lets him go.**

**Gintoki:Also, do you honestly think you can just hire a hooker and fool us with her acting as your wife?**

**A lamp hits and shatters at his head.**

**Zhang Chunhua:*glowing* Are you implying something?**

**Gintoki:*blood trickles down*...No...come, sit...**

**Security room**

**Director:Aww, I can't zoom in. Especially when Zhang Chunhua's in the room. Damn it! Lian Shi's outside, too!**

**Animator:*sarcasm*Isn't that a shame? Also, Gintoki seems to think Sima Yi's hat is a boot with chopsticks also. Didn't you call him that once?**

**Back **

**Shinpachi:Here they are. He is holding a very thick folder with a thin folder on top.**

**Gintoki:That's an encyclopedia! **

**Shinpachi:No, its a file with the name Sima Yi on it. Here.**

**Gintoki:Oof! Ok, here, your name is S-sen-ma Yee.**

**Sima Yi:S-U-ma Yi. **

**Gintoki:Hey, I read about you in Mr. Beard's file. You seem to be very hateful to each other. I even found a picture of you choking the life out of him.**

**Sima Yi:Mr. Beard? Guan Yu?**

**Gintoki:No, that guy that was carrying a fan and got his head bitten by my dog.**

**Sima Yi:You mean Zhuge Liang?**

**Gintoki:Yeah, him. **

**Kagura:He got his whole head into Sadaharu's mouth.**

**Sima Yi:Sada- what?**

**Gintoki:Nevermind, let's see your wife's file. Not much. Hey, this looks like the spelling for chihuahua. *snickers* Chihuahua...**

**Sima Yi:What's a chihuahua? *snickers* It does like sound like her name...*BAM***

**Zhang Chunhua:*eye twitch***

**Gintoki:Hey, I swear I recognize you from a *bleep*. You a *bleep**bleep*?**

**Shinpachi:GIN-SAN! That's disgusting! **

**Sima Yi:What's a *bleep**bleep*?**

**Gintoki:This. *holds up a censored object***

**Shinpachi:Gin-san, you're disgusting...**

**Sima Yi:*red in the face*...Why is the women...?**

**Zhang Chunhua:*red in the face*...Have you no shame...?**

**Shinpachi:Don't look at that! *covers their view* Burn that!**

**Gintoki:No way! This is my only copy!**

**Shinpachi:Gemme that! He takes it out of Gintoki's hand, but is flung on Sima Yi's face open.**

**Sima Yi:...*removes the object***

**Gintoki:Enjoying the view?**

**Sima Yi:Grrr...**

**Zhang Chunhua:Your nose. It's bleeding.**

**Sima Yi:O-oh! *takes out a tissue and wipes his nose* I had it before the object hit my face.**

**Gintoki:Suurre. So, Sema Yi-**

**Sima Yi:S-U-ma Yi.**

**Gintoki:Baka boot-hat man**

**Sima Yi:What? You completely changed it!**

**Gintoki:Then don't interrupt me. Sema Yi, a general with rather stupid hats...**

**Sima Yi:What?**

**Gintoki:This file says you have stupid hats. Look, it's on the paper. But continuing now, you are one of eight children. Your dad seemed like to have fun, huh? You have faked illnesses just to get out of things...napped until the cows came home...you always get whuppings from your dad...you have a brother that made you wet the bed by sticking cold water at your fingertips...**

**Sima Yi:Ok, stop reading... **

**Gintoki:And-**

**Sima Yi:Stop. Reading.**

**Gintoki:Fine. Hey, this also says you hate your wife. That's a little harsh.**

**Sima Yi:Urgh...that's a made-up story...**

**Gintoki: Clearly, these guys get their info from some crappy online troll. Take this away. Let's see the women's. *pause* What...? You killed a maid?...I-I...for what? **

**Zhang Chunhua:I did that to protect him.**

**Gintoki:So...you admit to killing the maid...? I-I'm...oh, I'll just change the subject.**

**Kagura:That maid saw something she shouldn't have saw, I bet...**

**Shinpachi:An affair?**

**Sima Yi:What?! No! She saw me that I was healthy when I told everyone I was faking it.**

**Gintoki:You did not had to kill the maid! That's for something serious like an affair! But faking illness, that's a kid getting grounded serious! That's how it works!**

**Sima Yi:If that got out, I would had my head hanging on the castle gates!**

**Gintoki:I'll hurry and change the subject. So, how did you two meet?**

**Sima Yi:Arranged marriage.**

**Gintoki:Ok...a little more detail.**

**Sima Yi:Arranged marriage with a thirteen-year-old. **

**Gintoki:...Wait, what?...Nah...So, any children?**

**Sima Yi:Two sons. **

**Gintoki:Wait...with her when she was...**

**Sima Yi:No, you sick man, it was when she was older. **

**Gintoki:Umm...this file says she bore you four children.**

**Sima Yi:Your're reading the historical page. **

**Gintoki:Wait, let me see the boot-hat man's file again. Ok...YOU HAD TEN CHILDREN?!**

**Sima Yi:...Again, historical page...There are people that had more than me...Let's say Sima Yan or Cao Cao?**

**Kagura:You need these. *throws small square packages at his face***

**Shinpachi:...Where did you get those...?...I don't think we can show that...**

**Sima Yi:...What are these...? Tr****? This a candy or something? **

**Gintoki:How do you not know what a ****** is?! **

**Sima Yi:What is a ******? **

**Gintoki:It's to prevent children being born! **

**Sima Yi:That seems to be a useless invention. **

**Gintoki:WHAT? **

**Sima Yi:What are you getting so worked up about? **

**Gintoki:That-ugh-...Did all those kids come from her?**

**Sima Yi:*blushes*N-no...Historical me had consorts.**

**Gintoki:Isn't that cheating?!**

**Sima Yi:Well, after his wife's death, he was feeling rather lonely, so...*blushes*...ahem...**

**Gintoki:We're not even talking about you anymore! **

**Sima Yi:Fine, ask whatever question you to ask.**

**Gintoki:So, how long have you two been married?**

**Zhang Chunhua:...**

**Sima Yi:...**

**Gintoki:Don't tell me BOTH of you forgot. I thought the husband is the one who is supposed to forget. **

**Sima Yi:...Well...fif-OOF!**

**Gintoki punches him in the gut.**

**Gintoki:My ass! Really, how long? You two look like you're college students! No way it could be fifty!**

**Sima Yi:...That's for history...For now, I guess about a year...(ZC is still new, and it's about a year since DW8.)**

**Gintoki:That's better, but too recent though. How old are your boys?**

**Sima Yi:Both are in their twenties-*dodges Gintoki's punch*****  
**

**Gintoki:How? You just said you-nevermind...Your wife looks like someone I know.**

**Shinpachi:...She does...She looks like my sister...**

**Kagura:Boss! Your boobs got big!**

**Shinpachi:Here's a picture.**

**Sima Yi:...Kinda looks like her...but why is she punching some guy? (That reminds me of something...)**

**Shinpachi:Ignore that guy. **

**Zhang Chunhua:She looks nice.**

**Gintoki:You call this nice?! You two will get along just fine, I bet. So, any time left, Shinpachi?**

**Shinpachi:Only about twelve minutes.**

**Sadaharu:Arrf! He goes behind Sima Yi and bites his head.**

**Sima Yi:AAHH! What is this beast? *blood trickles down***

**Kagura:He's not a beast! **

**Zhang Chunhua:Aww, it looks nice on you. And it's quite soft.**

**Sima Yi:There's blood flowing down my face...and this thing is irregularly large...**

**Gintoki:Don't worry, he bites everyone. **

**Sima Yi:Then why do you keep it?**

**Gintoki:She won't let me give it away. *points at Kagura***

**Sima Yi:Heh, can you tell this thing to get off me?**

**Sadaharu:Arrf! He gets off of Sima Yi, and runs back.**

**Sima Yi:*touches head*...Ugh...it slobbered all over me...**

**Shinpachi:It comes out easily you know.**

**Sima Yi:Good to know...**

**Gintoki:So, how's the sex?**

**Sima Yi:*blushing* Why did you just blurt that out? That is personal.**

**Gintoki:What? I'm doing my job, I'm supposed to do that. Now answer the question.**

**Sima Yi:*blushing*...Well...how about you say it?**

**Zhang Chunhua:*blushing*...I don't want to say it...**

**Gintoki:How about I make this easy? On a scale of one to ten, rate the sex, and another on how often you have it.**

**Sima Yi:...You go first...**

**Zhang Chunhua:...**

**Gintoki:What, is it bad or you don't have it? **

**Sima Yi:N-no, it's just I don't like speaking of my private life.**

**Gintoki:Judging from the four children, I'm guessing it's more than decent.**

**Sima Yi:..He..he, that's...a (correct)decent assumption...*cough***

**Gintoki:So...good?**

**Zhang Chunhua:Please get off that subject.**

**Gintoki:The last couple that was in here had no trouble answering this question. **

**Sima Yi:That's because they have no shame in their intimate habits. **

**Gintoki:And you're saying you have shame?**

**Sima Yi:No...**

**Kagura:Yeah, you do! You let the lady walk around in a who-mmph!**

**Shinpachi:She didn't have her nap...*BAM***

**Kagura:No, you need a nap!**

**Gintoki:I'm gonna keep pressuring you 'till you answer the question.**

**Sima Yi:...maybe a 9 and...5...**

**Gintoki:Now, was it that hard? How about you?**

**Zhang Chunhua:...You already have his opinion...**

**Gintoki:Oh, have something else?**

**Zhang Chunhua:Maybe an 8...and a 3...**

**Gintoki:Oh, you don't do it that much? I'll use the "Mr. and Mrs. ***** " treatment with you two. Kagura, case.**

**Kagura:Yes, sir! She gets a steel briefcase and reveals two pistols.**

**Gintoki:Get these pistols and try to kill each other.**

**Shinpachi:Where did you get those?!**

**Sima Yi:What kind of operation are you running here?! I'm not doing that!**

**Gintoki:But the movie shows them having a gunfight, then having *bleep* and *bleep* and *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep* in the next shot.**

**Sima Yi:...What...?...Are you even a real doctor...? *PEW***

**A bullet hits his hat and it falls off. Sima Yi slowly turns to the direction the bullet was coming from.**

**Zhang Chunhua:My finger slipped...**

**Sima Yi:No, it did not!**

**Gintoki:There's another guuuun...waiting for yoooou...**

**Sima Yi:Are you really trying to do this? **

**Gintoki:Your wife seems ready.**

**Sima Yi:If she wanted to kill me, she could have done it long ago.**

**Gintoki:Oh, roleplaying?**

**Sima Yi:No! What kind of mind do you have?**

**Gintoki:Oh, do you know that's a female's hairstyle? I happen to know a women who has it that style. **

**Kagura:Tsukky! **

**Sima Yi:(Last time I'm going to Zhang He for hairstyles.) So, we are done here?**

**Gintoki:Yeah, yeah, go. Bye, baka boot-hat man! **

**Sima Yi:Why do you keep on calling me that?**

**Gintoki:It has a nice ring to it.**

**The two leave the room.**

**My dear, that weapon, put it back.**

**O-oh, of course. **

**She returns to the room and gives Gintoki the gun, then leaves.**

**Gintoki:...**

**Shinpachi:..I think that man is married to a psychopath...**

**Kagura:He maybe likes women that-mmph!**

**Shinpachi:That's not a thing to say here!**

**The door opens with Sima Zhao and Wang Yuanji entering the room.**

**Gintoki:You are that guy's son? You look nothing like him, but I see that lady's face on you.**

**Sima Zhao:Yeah, I get that a lot.**

**Gintoki:Now, sit. **

**Security room**

**Director:I wanted to see the gunfight...**

**Animator:In that room? No, it's way too small. I don't Yi wanted to do it anyway.**

**Director:Huh, he does have a soft side, never thought he did. I've always thought of him as incapable of feeling.**

**Animator:Maybe he just doesn't want to die. His wife DID almost hit him in the HEAD. **

**Director:Maybe that too. Which reminds me, we have to REALLY update the files. They have info that is not true or just fake stories in ROTK. We might need some guys to go through that again.**

**Animator:Yes, and you're not trying to zoom in this time, why?**

**Director:Yuanji's too young for me. Wait until Lian Shi, you'll see me REALLY try.**

**Back**

**Gintoki:Sima Zao, and Wang Yu-ann-jee.**

**Sima Zhao:Sima Zhao, and this is Wang Yuanji.**

**Gintoki:(He's pretty big, and she's like a midget..how do they..?) So, how did you two meet?**

**Sima Zhao:You seen my father? He chose Yuanji as my supervisor and wife-to-be. My mother approved her too.**

**Gintoki:Baka boot-hat man chose this girl to be your wife? Wow, I thought he had bad taste in women. But this girl says otherwise. **

**Sima Zhao:Heh, I question sometimes why my mother stays with him. I'll never know.**

**Gintoki:You, girl, how did you feel when that baka boot-hat man chose you to be this guy's wife?**

**Wang Yuanji:I felt...kinda surprised when he chose me. I never thought I would make a good wife for someone.**

**Gintoki:Now, how many years you two married?**

**Sima Zhao:I lost track...**

**Wang Yuanji:About two years.**

**Shinpachi:Wait...that doesn't seem right...**

**Gintoki:The boot-hat man was married for a year...but you're his son, and you're married two years...how...?**

**Kagura:Time travel!**

**Sima Zhao:...Now that I think about it...**

**Gintoki:Nevermind. Any children?**

**Sima Zhao:We have one son, Sima Yan.**

**Wang Yuanji:Zhao,*blushes* that's not right...**

**Gintoki:Shinpachi, file.*reads it* Ok, you had six children with this lady, and four more, but unknown mothers. Altogether, you have ten. Same as your old man.**

**Kagura: You people *bleep* like rab-mmph!**

**Shinpachi:We can't say that!**

**Gintoki:Like father, like son. In a weird way. You need these. He throws small square packages at Sima Zhao's face.**

**Shinpachi:Did you pick those up from when Kagura threw them at the boot-hat guy?**

**Gintoki:It would be a waste to just leave them here.**

**Sima Zhao:...What are these?...A kind of candy?**

**Gintoki:Why do you two think it's candy? Does it look like candy?**

**Sima Zhao opens one of the packages and looks at the item in it.**

**Sima Zhao:He,he, it looks like a *bleep*.**

**Gintoki:It is for the *bleep*!**

**Sima Zhao:Doesn't look comfortable...**

**Gintoki:Throw that away if you don't intend to use it! **

**Sima Zhao:*shrugs* He throws it at Gintoki's face.**

**Gintoki:Ah! Why at me? *throws it out of window* Ok, how is the sex? (And how do you even do it?)**

**Sima Zhao:It's decent.**

**Gintoki:Wow, you're the first person to answer this question so straight forward. You got ba-**

**Shinpachi:Stop saying things like that! **

**Gintoki:Ok, ok, geez. So, no problems in the marriage?**

**Sima Zhao:Yuanji hits me.**

**Shinpachi:A lot?**

**Sima Zhao:When I screw up. And that's always.**

**Gintoki:Domestic abuse right there.**

** Wang Yuanji:What? I do it to make sure he stays on track. **

**Gintoki:Uh-huh, but since I don't give a *bleep*, I'll let it slide. Do you two have any relationship to the boot-hat man or the lady he's with?**

**Sima Zhao:You mean Father and Mother? You surely have weird names for them. My mother seems to like Yuanji as her own daughter. She tells me she wishes for her as a daughter instead of me as a son.**

**Shinpachi:That almost made me cry...**

**Gintoki:Don't you have a sister? I read the file said of a daughter from her and that funny hat man.**

**Sima Zhao:Huh, yeah. But they don't speak of her. **

**Gintoki:Oh, then how are you and Baka hat man?**

**Sima Zhao:Eh, we are ok. But he gets angry when I don't give it my all.**

**Sadaharu jumps on Sima Zhao and bites his head.**

**Sima Zhao:This is soft...Am I getting suffocated by a giant plush?**

**Kagura:Nope! It's my dog!**

**Wang Yuanji starts to pet Sadaharu.**

**Wang Yuanji:...*blushes*...(So soft...)**

**Shinpachi:He keeps on biting people's heads! Kagura, can't you stop him?  
Kagura:He's just makin' friends! Fine, Sadaharu, get off of the guy!**

**Sadaharu gets off and runs back to the corner.**

**Gintoki:Oh, well, want to see a naked lady?**

**Sima Zhao:Wait, what?**

**Shinpachi:No...Gin-san, do you..?**

**Gintoki:I have another magazine! *holds it up* Like what you see?**

**Sima Zhao:..Whoa...**

**Wang Yuanji:*hits him* Come on, let's go. Our lord and lady are waiting for us.**

**Gintoki:Give the kid a break, he has needs.**

**Wang Yuanji:You're disgusting...**

**Shinpachi:Thank you.**

**Sima Zhao:..Just give me a minute...OW!**

**Wang Yuanji pulls him away and they leave the room.**

**Gintoki:Hey!**

**Shinpachi takes the object and throws it out the window.**

**Gintoki:You suck...you know that's going to land onto someone else's hands?**

**Shinpachi:Better than yours.**

**Outside**

**Sima Yi:(This is getting boring. When are they going to finish?) Hmm?**

**The object falls on his face as he looked up.**

**Sima Yi:...*removes object off his face*...It's the nude book that man was holding up and his assistant threw out the window...(Eh, I've seen better than this.)**

**Zhang Chunhua:My lord-...Is that the obscene book that man showed you?**

**Sima Yi:*blushing*Ah!...This is not what it looks like!...The book fell out of the window up there! I was just...uh...*throws object***

**Zhang Chunhua:...Something wrong in a "certain" area?...**

**Sima Yi:*red*N-no! The book just happened to-...Zhao? **

**Sima Zhao has the object in his hands and looking at it.**

**Zhang Chunhua:Zhao, throw the shameful book away.**

**Sima Zhao:...Just one minut-OWW!**

**He gets his ear pulled and is dragged off by Wang Yuanji.**

**Sima Yi:I'll go dispose of this-OW!**

**He gets his ear pulled and dragged off by Zhang Chunhua.**

**Zhang Chunhua:No, you're not.**

**Back**

**Gintoki:(It's still there! I'm going to have to go and get it.) I have to go to the bathroom, please watch the room.**

**Shinpachi:You have one couple left, can you wait?**

**Gintoki:(Damn it!) I have to go really bad, just tell them to wait.**

**Shinpachi:Those guys were waiting for a long time, we have to go do it now.**

**Gintoki:Fine...let them in.**

**Shinpachi lets Sun Quan and Lian Shi in the room.**

**Gintoki:Come sit. (Grr...the magazine will have to wait..)**

**Security room**

**Director:Zoom in! Zoom in! Aww, why this piece of *bleep* had to malfunction now? Lian Shi's in the room!**

**Animator:(This is fun watching him cry over the fact he can't look at a woman's chest from afar.) What a shame for you.**

**Director:(The magazine still down there, I'll sneak out and pick it up.) I have to go to the bathroom, please keep watch of these cameras.**

**Animator:(I want the magazine, but I can't let him know that.) I know you want the magazine, but Sima Yi came back and got it.**

**Director:No, he didn't. He was dragged off before he could pick the thing up. And I don't want it, it's not the same as a real woman.**

**Animator:He's magic, he might have stole those sunglasses of yours without you noticing. (Yeah, right, you'd look at anything with breasts.)**

**Director:So, if he did, he would have gotten an whupping from his wife and deemed a pervert. Anyway, I'm going.**

**Animator:The guys have one last couple in the room. Surely you can wait?**

**Director:No, I have to really go.**

**Animator:The bathrooms are locked at this time.**

**Director:I'll go check.**

**Animator:A waste of your time.**

**Director:(Grr...he is really getting irritating.) Fine, I'll wait. My bladder is strong.**

**Animator:(Now, what excuse can I use?)**

**Back**

**Gintoki:...Whoa...are you married to the woman on the cover of J***?**

**Shinpachi:...Gin, I've lost all respect for you.**

**Sun Quan:What? What's J***?**

**Shinpachi:Something you don't want to know.**

**Kagura:Whoa, why don't your boobies sag? Does your back hurt?**

**Shinpachi:Pay no attention to her!**

**Lian Shi:...Uh, that girl is rather...observant...**

**Sun Quan:Is she yours?**

**Gintoki:No, her father is out and I have to take care of her.**

**Sun Quan:That is quite noble of you.**

**Gintoki:No, she wanted to stay with me and she works for me.**

**Kagura:Hey, you don't even pay me!**

**Sun Quan:...Oh...nevermind...**

**Gintoki:Let's get down. So, your name is-****?**

**Shinpachi:They are Sun Quan and Lian Shi, found their file.**

**Gintoki:Ah, let me see. Hey, it says the lady's cup size-**

**Shinpachi:Don't think about it, Gin.**

**Gintoki:Fine, so how did you two meet?**

**Sun Quan:Well, I saw her and she became my concubine. Then we got married after that.**

**Gintoki:That seems rather...**

**Kagura:Can't keep your eyes of-mmph!**

**Shinpachi:Sorry, she is excited a lot.**

**Gintoki:Ok, any children?**

**Lian Shi:Two daughters. **

**Gintoki:I can't find a picture...**

**Sun Quan:There are no pictures of them.**

**Gintoki:So, on a scale of one through ten, tell me how is the sex.**

**Sun Quan:*blushing* That is getting too personal...**

**Shinpachi:You don't have to answer, Gin-san, stop asking the people that. They seem to be uncomfortable to tell us anyway.**

**Gintoki:Fine, so, you two have been married for how long?**

**Sun Quan:Two years.**

**Gintoki:Anything wrong with you two?**

**Sun Quan:Oh, no. I can never have a conflict with Lian Shi. Nor make her unhappy.**

**Gintoki:Ok, well, I nothing else to say. How much time do we have left?**

**Shinpachi:We have time, but you two seem to be in good conditions, so you can go.**

**Kagura:Want to pet Sadaharu?**

**Sun Quan:There's a pet? Where?**

**Sadaharu:Arrf! He jumps onto Sun Quan and bites his head.**

**Lian Shi:Aww! He's so cute! She pets him while he was still on Sun Quan's head.**

**Sun Quan:Where did you get this?**

**Gintoki:Two ladies. Gave him to us. You don't seem that surprised.**

**Sun Quan:I imagine it's a tiger.**

**Gintoki:You can play with the dog, you two are last, so I can go to the bathroom.**

**Gintoki leaves the room.**

**Security room**

**Director:I'm going now, to the bathroom.**

**Animator:I have to go myself.**

**Outside**

**Director:(He didn't follow me, now where's that mag?) He looks at the ground and sees the object. (Ah-ha, got ya!)**

**Animator:What are you going do with that?**

**Director:(Ahh!) Going to dispose of this.**

**Animator:Well, go and dispose of it.**

**Director:(Damn him!) Ok, where's the trash?**

**Animator:Over there.**

**Director goes to the bin and tosses the object in it.**

**Director:See? I didn't want it.**

**Animator:Well, let's go.**

**As they walked back, the animator goes takes the object from the bin and hides it under his jacket.**

**Director:I have another thing to throw away. I'll be right back.**

**Animator:(You won't find it.) He walks ahead of him and into the building.**

**Director:(Huh, where is it? No, he must have took it. He already walked inside, i'm going to have to snatch it from him.)**

**Gintoki:Where's it? Where's it? **

**Director:Hey.**

**Gintoki:Oh! Have you seen my magazine?**

**Director:Yeah, but my partner took it.**

**Gintoki:I have to get it back! **

**Director:Then let's go find him.**

**Office**

**Shinpachi:He's taking a while...**

**Kagura:You don't even realize it...**


	5. Playboy is worth millions to pervs

**Shinpachi:Where is Gin-san? Oh! **

**RING RING RING RING**

**Shinpachi:Hello?**

**Animator:Since your friend is not there, you and the girl will have to do individual counseling without him Just a few, and you'll get your payment. Oh no! Bye!**

***line goes dead***

**Shinpachi:...What? Ok, we'll have to wait for the people to come now. **

**He goes to sit at Gintoki's chair.**

**The door opens with Han Dang entering the room.**

**Shinpachi:Ah, come and sit.**

**Han Dang:Thanks. You're the counselor? I expected someone else.**

**Shinpachi:Ok, what's your name?**

**Han Dang:Han Dang.**

**Shinpachi:So, what is the problem?**

**Han Dang:Sometimes I feel like I'm not there or not useful. Or everyone gets draws attention away from me.**

**Shinpachi:That's my problem! I'm always cast away even though I'm the one of main characters.**

**Han Dang:Someone shares my pain? *happy crying* ...Can I hug you?**

**Shinpachi:Of course! **

**The two hug.**

**Kagura:Shinpachi, you get enough screen time. You are just not as popular as us.**

**Shinpachi:You called my glasses being more me than myself.**

**Kagura:They are.**

**Han Dang:So, how do you cope with it?**

**Shinpachi:I just sit and wait. I can't do anything about it. At least you have major accomplishments, unlike me. **

**Han Dang:What do you do?**

**Shinpachi:I'm a samurai in a country where samurai are not needed. In your file, it says you let people take credit for the things you've done.**

**Han Dang:Yes. **

**Shinpachi:Why? You said you want attention.**

**Han Dang:It's very complicated.**

**Kagura:Ok, hurry it up. We have more people to make cry.**

**The door opens with Wang Yi entering the room.**

**Wang Yi:Is this where my counseling is, right? You, get out.**

**Han Dang:Now, wait your turn. *face turns angry***

**Shinpachi:We have-**

**Kagura:We have run out of time! Now, mister, go.**

**Han Dang:*face softens* Oh, already? Ok. He leaves the room.**

**Wang Yi goes to sit in the chair.**

**Shinpachi:...Okay, what's your name? (She's looking at me in the eye! It's scary!)**

**Wang Yi:Wang Yi. You are the counselor? You look rather too young...**

**Shinpachi:*whispers*..K-Kagura...you do it...**

**Kagura:He's not the counselor! I am! **

**Wang Yi:Oh, really? Then ask me something.**

**Kagura:Why are you here?**

**Wang Yi:They said my "obsession" has to be kept in check.**

**Kagura:What obsession?**

**Wang Yi:I want a certain man's head, and that is what I only want.**

**Kagura:Not a boyfriend?**

**Wang Yi:I'm not interested in romantic relationships, just _his_ head.**

**Kagura:Who is he?**

**Wang Yi:The man that took everything away from me, Ma Chao.**

**Shinpachi:Found his file. He seems ok based on the picture.**

**Wang Yi:That's what you see, but what I see is much more different. I see him as a dead man.**

**Shinpachi:I found your file. Very hateful towards this person. Many records say you have murdered horses, or torn up anything with the guy's face on it.**

**Wang Yi:Horses are the things he loves, and I shall take them away from him. And his name means "horse."**

**Kagura:Are you almost there?**

**Wang Yi:Everytime I get to him, he escapes. But I will get him.**

**Shinpachi:...*sweats*...(He did kill her family, so I'm not sure to feel sorry for him.) **

**Kagura:I have a doll, want to hold it?  
****Wang Yi:No.****  
**

**Kagura:Want to pet Sadaharu?**

**Wang Yi:What? **

**Kagura:My dog.**

**Wang Yi:Alright, fine. Where is it?**

**Sadaharu runs to her, panting.**

**Wang Yi:*pets him* He is relaxing... She then hugs it tightly.**

**Sadaharu:*whimpers, struggles under grip***

**Shinpachi:He doesn't look good...**

**Kagura:What do you know! We're out of time.**

**Wang Yi lets go of Sadaharu and gets up from her chair. He runs back to Kagura.**

**Wang Yi:I feel more relaxed now...This was not such a bad idea after all.**

**She leaves the room.**

**Shinpachi:This...What kind of people are here...?**

**The door opens with Li Dian, Xiahou Yuan and Yue Jin escorting Xiahou Dun.**

**Shinpachi:Four?**

**Li Dian:No, my friend here needs it more than I do.**

**Xiahou Dun:What is this place? Why am I here?**

**Yue Jin:Your rage needs to be contained, so we took you to a counselor.**

**Xiahou Dun:I can control my rage!**

**Li Dian:You made 400,000 gold in damages to the palace and your office. Even our own soldiers got injured by your rage.**

**Xiahou Dun:I have no time for this! **

**Xiahou Yuan blocks his way.**

**Xiahou Yuan:These two are right, you have to go here.**

**Xiahou Dun:..You too..? Grr...fine. **

**He goes to sit in the chair.**

**Yue Jin:We'll be here just in case he makes a go for it or tries to hurt you.**

**The three walk out of the room, and stood near the doorway.**

**Shinpachi:..So, you have anger management issues?**

**Xiahou Dun:Hmph, that's what they think. But I can control my anger just as well as the next guy.**

**Kagura:Your eyepatch reminds me of Kyuubei.**

**Shinpachi:Don't pay any attention to her. So, what causes your rage?**

**Xiahou Dun:When someone or somebody gets in my way or my cousin's, I have to take action. And certain people make want to- He breaks the arm of the chair.**

**Shinpachi:(AHH! He crushed it with his bare hand!) So, who are they? (No! Stupid! That will make him even more angry!)**

**Xiahou Dun:Lots of people, but there is one...Guan Yu...He breaks the other arm of the chair.**

**Shinpachi:(OH, HOLY S**T!) S-so, what does your rage make you do?**

**Xiahou Dun:I always feel like to crush something, or to punch something. He eyes the table next to him.**

**Shinpachi:W-well, you need to let it all out on something that won't be missed.**

**Kagura:Punch this. She places a punching bag behind Xiahou Dun.**

**Xiahou Dun gets up from his seat and unleashes his anger on the punching bag. The punching bag was torn up in all directions, with filling scattered on the ground.**

**Xiahou Dun:Hey, I feel better. That was just what I need! Brother! Let's go now!**

**He leaves the room slightly smiling, with Xiahou Yuan, Li Dian, and Yue Jin looking at him funny.**

**Xiahou Yuan:Man, you two may not look like it, but whatever you did, it really works. **

**Shinpachi:..O-oh...okay...We just gave him a punching bag...**

**Li Dian:Then give us some more of those! We can use them when he is ready to kill someone again. Or maybe when any of us needs to blow off some steam.**

**Kagura:Ok! Here you go! She throws about 5-10 bags at Li Dian and Yue Jin.**

**Yue Jin:OOFF! These can take how many hits?**

**Kagura:Depends on how hard you punch!**

**Li Dian:Well, let's get going. ...These are heavy.**

**The two left with Xiahou Yuan following Xiahou Dun.**

**Kagura:He tore that bag up! That's awesome!**

**Shinpachi:..He's has issues indeed...**

**The door opens with Sima Shi getting thrown into the room.**

**Sima Shi:I don't have anything wrong with me! Let me out!**

**Sima Yi:*holding the door* Oh, but you do. This is for your own good.**

**Sima Zhao:*holding the door* We have to at least tone that obsession down a notch.**

**Sima Shi:It's not an obsession!**

**Sima Yi:You beat a peon near death over him getting the last meatbun...**

**Sima Zhao:And you gave Father a black eye when he went to take one himself.**

**Sima Shi:I thought it was someone else! Father is basically a different person ****without his hat!**

**Sima Yi:..Again with the hat...**

**Shinpachi:Oh, those guys are back. Who is that guy they just threw into this room?**

**Kagura:He looks like a woman...**

**Sima Shi:Hey, I heard that!**

**Shinpachi:I have the file. He is the son of the boot-hat guy, brother to that guy with messy hair.**

**Sima Yi:You just ignore the fact we have names, do you, boy?**

**Shinpachi:Come, Mr. S-Sima Shee?**

**Sima Shi:SHI.**

**Shinpachi:So, Shi, you have an obsession with a food item called a meatbun?**

**Sima Shi:Not an obsession...**

**Sima Yi and Zhao:Yes it is.**

**Sima Shi:..As I was saying, my family thinks I should tone down on my meatbun consumption.**

**You do.**

**Sima Shi:Stop interrupting me! Now, I'm in a predicament-**

**Sima Yi:That's no predicament! I've been in situations a lot more devastating than your meatbun "problem"!**

**Kagura:Not being able to eat is horrible! I would have died not being able to eat!**

**Shinpachi:Not helping. And you eat every day and leaving us with nothing! So, what can I do to ease this obsession?**

**Sima Shi:You too are in this? **

**Shinpachi:*whispers* Kagura, distract him.**

**Kagura:Want to pet the dog?**

**Sima Shi:Well, it will maybe ease the pain...**

**Shinpachi:Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.**

**Shinpachi gets up from his seat, and goes out of the room.**

**Shinpachi:I have an idea on how you can get him to dislike meatbuns.**

**Sima Yi:That sounds a little much, but I don't have a choice. Let me hear it.**

**Shinpachi:You cannot let him know what you are doing. Or it will fall apart.**

**He whispers to Sima Yi and Sima Zhao farther away from the room.**

**Shinpachi:Can I ask you something? Does this remind you of anything? He takes out a large meatbun.**

**Sima Zhao:Nope. Nothing.**

**Sima Yi:*blushes*..N-No, nothing at all...**

**Shinpachi:Oh, really? He takes out another large meatbun and sets them next to each other.**

**Sima Yi:*blush intensifies*...Still nothing...(Reminds me a lot about a certain person...)**

**Sima Zhao:Ha! They look like-**

**Sima Yi:Shut. Up. What does this have to do with anything?**

**Shinpachi:Was your son breastfed?**

**Sima Yi:*in a state of thought*...Now that I think about it...**

**Sima Zhao:Oh! I get it! He thinks of-**

**Sima Yi:*blushing*...Boy, not another word...**

**Shinpachi:There is your cause. Now, I will give you a certain type of meatbun this place sells. What's inside is artificial meat, so it tastes AWFUL. Sneak these into his supply, and maybe he will have some resentment to meatbuns.**

**Sima Zhao:It really tastes that awful? What does it taste like?**

**Shinpachi:It will make you want to puke when you take your first bite. That bad. **

**Sima Yi:Will it give you stomach pains?**

**Shinpachi:Surprisingly, it doesn't. Here, give one of these to him after this. He hands a bag of the meatbuns to them. I have to get back.**

**He goes to the office and sees Sima Shi petting Sadaharu.**

**Sima Shi:..So..soft...**

**Shinpachi:Ahem. We shall resume. So, why the obsession with meatbuns?**

**Sima Shi:They taste good. **

**Shinpachi:(They won't once they give him those meatbuns.) Really? That's it? Do meatbuns remind you of something?**

**Sima Shi:No, they don't resemble something.**

**Shinpachi:(They remind me of something...) Well, I have nothing to do now. You can go to your father and brother.**

**Sima Shi goes out of the room.**

**Here, a meatbun.**

**Oh, thank you, I thought...**

**Oh, we can't be so hard on you.**

**Hmph. *spits* What's in this?! This tastes like liver! Look at the inside! It's purple! It looks like lint bundled up in there! Ugh!**

**So it's that bad...**

**Shinpachi:They'll have to do this for a while...And where is Gin-san?**

**Somewhere in the Koei buliding**

**Animator:*looking at object* Not bad. Meh. Nice pair. Meh.**

**The door breaks down.**

**Gintoki:Give me that!**

**Director:You did want it! And you call me a pervert!**

**Animator:I have needs, but I carry them out discreetly. But this is boring me, so...**

**He opens the window and is about to throw it out.**

**Gintoki:NOO! He tackles him. Gemme! Ah, now I can pawn it off!**

**Director:..Can I...?**

**Gintoki:No. It will wrinkle it more, making it's value drop.**

**Director:..(Damn it...)**

**Animator:Let's go to see how your buddies are doing.**

**Office**

**Gintoki:So, everything alright without me?**

**Shinpachi:Yes, we had to deal with another me, a psychopath, anger-filled general, and a guy obsessed with a food item.**

**Director:Let me guess...Han Dang, Wang Yi, Xiahou Dun, and Sima Shi?**

**Shinpachi:..That's correct...**

**Director:Yes! **

**Gintoki:Can we get our stuff now?**

**Animator:That's for the boss to decide.**

**CEO's office**

**CEO:So, these three did the couples and two counseled four people? What were you doing?**

**Gintoki:I had a really bad stomach ache, and there was no toilet paper... **

**CEO:..Okaay...Well, I have to hold up my end of the deal. What was that I offered?**

**Gintoki:Unlimited JUMP, strawberry milk and chocolate parfaits.**

**Shinpachi:10,000 yen, and five of Otsu-chan's latest album.**

**Kagura:Unlimited rice and sukonbu.**

**CEO:Okay, it's outside.**

**Gintoki:Yes!**

**They all run out of the room.**

**Outside**

**CEO:This truck contains the parfaits and strawberry milk. This one has the rice and sukonbu. And for you, the five albums and the 10,000 yen.**

**Gintoki:Yes!**

**Shinpachi:How can we park these trucks back home?**

** Gintoki hops into the truck with his items and drives away.**

**Shinpachi:We can't drive...**

**CEO:Who cares? It's simple. Just hop in there.**

**Shinpachi and Kagura go inside of the other truck and starts it up.**

**Shinpachi:Doesn't seem to bad...**

**Kagura:Can I drive?**

**Shinpachi:NO!**

**The truck leaves and follows the truck that just left.**

**CEO:Such a unique bunch...**

**Animator:We're providing them the food and JUMP every week?**

**CEO:No, we will give them another truckload of the food when they finish, and I'll pay for their JUMP for about five months. **

**Director:Why lie to them?**

**CEO:They were very rowdy, and the offer caught their attention. But, now, everyone is happy.**

**EVERY MEATBUN I EAT TASTES LIKE S**T!**

**CEO:Sima Shi's still in there? **

**Director:We have no idea what happened. He was running up and down looking for meatbuns. When he does he find one, he is repulsed by its taste.**

**Animator:I saw Sima Yi and Sima Zhao walking around wherever Sima Shi was. They were holding something.**

**Sima Yi:*appears behind him* Don't tell him.**

**Director:AHH! STOP IT! Don't tell him what?**

**Sima Zhao:We are replacing meatbuns with awful tasting ones. The guy said it will make him resent meatbuns.**

**Animator:...That's a little cruel...but he does need to stop with the obsession sometime. **

**Sima Shi is seen running outside to his father and brother.**

**Sima Shi:Do you have any?**

**Sima Zhao:Oh, yes we do. He gives one of the bad meatbuns to Shi.**

**Sima Shi:Ugh! Again with this?! Why doesn't anyone have any good ones?**

**Sima Yi:Gee, I don't know. (This is surprisingly working...) But come now, we have to get back home.**

**Sima Shi:Wait, Mother is sure to have some!**

**Sima Yi and Zhao:(Not if we get to her first.) They walked ahead of Shi in a fast manner.**

**Sima Shi:Wait for me!**

**They continued to walk fast.**

**Director:...Okay...they're trying to ween him off of meatbuns? **

**Animator:..Isn't that technique for kids to stop wanting to be breastfed?...**

**CEO:I'll be in my office if you guys need me. **

**He leaves the two in the lot.**

**Director:I don't know whether or not to resupply Shi's meatbun base.**

**Animator:No. Just don't. We should check on him sometime to see if the weening paid off.**

**Director:Oh, well, back to our jobs. **

**They walked back into the building.**


End file.
